Testimony, Part 2 - Magnificent Mercy

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You. [Psalm 139:7-12 NIV]

When you don’t have a loving personal relationship with God, religion can put a lot of pressure on you. Jesus said to the religious experts of His day, "You load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them." [Luke 11:46b NIV]

Trying to be "good" without understanding or connecting to the reality of God's grace meant living under the constant pressure of high expectations, and constantly falling short. An intelligent woman with six children born in a ten year period, I believe my mother felt those pressures, and I know I did. No matter how many times we confessed our faults or said our prescribed prayers, those religious statues never moved - it felt like the God we were trying to please was too far away to help us. The daily stresses and frustrations of life eventually boiled over into anger and rebellion.

Family and society can put pressures on you, too – pressures to achieve a certain level of education, social status, or accomplishment; conformity to what we think our parents or peers require for acceptance and approval. A childhood memory illustrates how I perceived and reacted to those expectations:

My mother was brushing my hair roughly, because we were all in a hurry to go somewhere. She was yanking at the tangles and commanding me to be still as I tried to pull away. I stomped my foot on the stairs and yelled at her through angry tears, “You don’t love me! You’ve never loved me!!” She replied quickly, still ripping at my hair with the hairbrush, “Of course we love you, I drive you to dance lessons, piano lessons, good schools…” As an adult, I know my mother did these things because she saw that I was bright and she cared very much to be a good parent; as a child, it didn’t feel like love to me at all. It felt like being pushed, pulled, shoved and hurt - pressured to perform, achieve, and behave a lot better than I thought I was. I felt pain in that hurried hair-brushing, and what I really wanted was a hug.

It's amazing to me how quickly I forgot my childhood faith, as if I simply turned out the lights and shut the door behind me as I walked out into my teenage years. I started 10th grade at Bethesda-Chevy Chase HS in the Fall of 1971, the year I turned 14 (I'll explain in a future posting why I was so much younger than my classmates). The Vietnam war, hippies and drug culture of the late 1960's were still very much in the news and part of my world view. I found "acceptance" in the easiest clique of all to join - kids who hung out on the front steps smoking cigarettes, deciding whether to go to class or skip school and smoke pot. I think I skipped more school than I attended at B-CC.

When we were children, my brother and sisters and I used to sneak out of bed and sit at the top of the stairs to listen to the happy sounds of parties where adults from our neighborhood or church were drinking downstairs. I stole my first drink of alcohol at age 12 or 13; it tasted bad at first, but then it felt like a little bit of heaven come to earth. My whole body warmed, and all my worries and pressures disappeared. Sneaking out to parties with my peers, I felt "accepted" at first, more able to be friendly than I normally was. But, to make a long story short, my teenage drinking experiences quickly degenerated from a few moments of illusory “happiness” into something the Bible describes very accurately:

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new drinks. Don't let the sparkle and smooth taste of wine deceive you. For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like a viper. You will see hallucinations, and you will say crazy things. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And you will say, "They hit me, but I didn't feel it. I didn't even know it when they beat me up. When will I wake up so I can have another drink? [Proverbs 23:29-35 NLT]

Without faith, there seemed to be no purpose in life. I sat on the high school steps watching cars pass by in both directions along East-West Highway, wondering why all those people got up and went to work day after day. I refused to go to church or summer vacation with my family. Conflicts with my mother and eventually my friends led to increasing loneliness, a sense of futility and almost suicidal hopelessness. My mother discussed her deep concerns with my grandmother, and it was decided that I desperately needed "a change of scene."

I have to laugh as I tell you the next part of my story! God’s grace is so extravagant, beyond all human logic and reason. Just when I should have been sent to a psychiatric institute or substance abuse rehab (although these were not as popular in those days), my mother and grandmother – who were, to my hurting and rebellious way of thinking, probably the two people I least appreciated in life – sent me to the French Riviera!

Yes, having no idea what to do with me any more, my mother put me on a plane alone at age 15, and off I went to spend the last two weeks of August 1973 with family friends who were vacationing on the Cote d’Azur. We stayed with their friend and business associate, a wealthy real estate agent whose children were away at boarding school. Since wine was served at every meal, I promptly got drunk and poured out my sorrows to this woman after just a few days. She had taken in young people before, and offered to allow me and those two family friends (who were roughly my age) to stay with her for a year, as long as we worked hard in school and kept her fairly basic house rules.

What an amazing opportunity! French high school was hard (about 8 hours a day, plus 2 to 3 hours of homework) – I’d studied French for 4 years, but was pretty much tongue-tied when I first arrived, and literature classes started with the 16th century (equivalent to a non-English-speaker studying Shakespeare). Listlessness faded as I explored the sights, sounds, tastes and experiences of an entirely new culture in a luxurious environment. We went skiing in the Alps, sailing on the Mediterranean, took a weekend trip to Paris, ate Swiss chocolate and gourmet meals... visited Nice, Cannes, St. Tropez, medieval castles and private island beaches. Although I was still a long way from knowing or giving my heart to God, and hadn’t done a thing to deserve this prodigal’s party, I was hugged all year long by the lavish grace and magnificent mercy of my heavenly Father.

When I returned home the following summer, several of my classmates were gone: one died of a drug overdose, others in accidents, one was run over by a train after lying down drunk on the railroad tracks. I was vaguely aware that, had I continued as I was going, any one of those stories could have been mine... but I was spared. Was I helped somehow by the prayers of those oddball teenagers who read the Bible on Monday nights? Did God hear the anguished cries of my mother’s heart? Was He still pursuing the little girl who had shown Him devotion as a child? Whatever it was - His Love, of course - I thank God for His mercy and grace. He saved my life before I even knew Him.

And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. [Luke 15:20 NLT]

He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve, nor pay us back in full for our wrongs. [Psalm 103:10 MSG]

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. [Isaiah 53:5 NIV]

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Bonus Track: "How He Loves" - John Mark McMillan wrote this song after the unexpected death of a friend, which shows how God's Love transcends everything, shines even in the midst of & overcomes crushing pain with His brilliant beauty! Kim Walker & Jesus Culture do a great job with this one. "God wants to encounter you, and wants you to feel His Love, His amazing Love... you better just brace yourself!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Personal Testimony, Part 1: "God Is Real!"

"Lord, You have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or You brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God." Psalm 90:1-2 NIV

"God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to You; even from a distance, You know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of Your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and You're there, then up ahead and You're there, too - Your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful - I can't take it all in!" Psalm 139:1-6 MSG

As I was preparing to write a series of articles on "salvation" over the next few weeks, I got to thinking about various aspects of my own personal history with God. One morning, I read Psalm 139 (quoted in part above and below this posting) five or six times, deeply aware of how God is always working in our lives - even when we don't know Him at all; and, as we do come to know Him better, He is always present with us, affecting our lives in so many ways we don't fully understand or appreciate at the time. Later that day, a minister friend who had been praying for me said she felt the Lord told her to read me Psalm 139 - I showed her that I had already marked it with the ribbon in my own Bible that very morning!

What stands out to me in Psalm 139 is how thoroughly God knows us, pursues us, and loves us - before conception and beyond the grave. He sees the end from the beginning, knows us better than we know ourselves, and is always with us, although we may not always be aware of His Presence or how He is working in our lives. Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." [John 14:6] In Acts 4:12 we read, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under Heaven given to men by which we must be saved." Yet the process by which each of us comes to know Him, and the path we walk with Him in life, is as unique and special as each individual person. I thought it might be fun, as an introduction to the topic of salvation, to share some of my personal testimony - my own history of relationship with God. (I'm 52 years old, so this may take several weeks!)

Before I begin, I want to say clearly that what follows is a selective description of my own memories in relation to the development of my faith in Jesus Christ. I would like to acknowledge in advance that I believe every person in my life - parents, teachers, and spiritual leaders in a variety of church settings - did their best to contribute to my spiritual development whatever good things they knew or believed. I hope that none of what I have written about my own journey of coming to know the Lord will be taken as a personal criticism or theological condemnation of any specific individuals or groups. It is a very subjective and limited account of my own experience, as I understood it while I was growing up and at the time of this writing.

I was born Georgina Anne Zadravec at 6:51 p.m. EST on October 19, 1957, in Washington, D.C. My mother was British-Canadian, and I was named after her mother, Georgina Elson of Vancouver, B.C. My father was the first U.S.-born son of Slovenian immigrants who had settled in Connecticut. Both of my parents were practicing Catholics, so I attended Catholic schools from kindergarten through 9th grade, and received the Roman Catholic sacraments from infant baptism through confirmation at age 12. Our family went to Mass every Sunday in Blessed Sacrament parish where I grew up about a mile north of D.C. in Chevy Chase, Maryland.

I took my faith seriously as a little girl. My First Communion photo (above) says a lot about my life at age 7 - skinned knees, blooming azalea bushes, paint peeling on the window boxes, and an uncomfortably ill-fitting white dress. As a Catholic, I tried hard to be a good little girl - sometimes. I loved the Stations of the Cross, which reminded me of how Jesus suffered on our behalf. These were carved in wood and hung above each of the confessional booths along the walls of the church, where I waited in line on Saturday afternoons to tell the priest behind the screen whatever sins I'd committed during the week: lying about stealing a piece of bread from the kitchen before dinner, feeling angry at my mother for catching me, or quarreling with my five younger siblings.

I walked solemnly to the altar at the front of the church to say my "penance" (a number of Our Father's, Hail Mary's, etc. prescribed by the priest in the confessional booth), kneeling before statues of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Although "the Holy Family" seemed very far away (in the sky, among the clouds, where I pictured Heaven), I felt a glimmer of hope during those quiet moments at church that perhaps my obedience and devotion might somehow bring their touch of peace and love to my family at home. I hummed a favorite hymn, "O Lord I Am Not Worthy," which strikes me now as sort of a sad dirge for a little girl to be singing to herself while walking home alone on a Saturday afternoon.

I was trying really hard to be a "good girl" even as a "bad girl" seemed to be growing on the inside of me at the same time. The struggle intensified as I longed to be accepted and make friends at school, where cutting up in class earned me a little bit of popularity in the 5th grade, only to be sabotaged by my 6th grade teacher who admired my schoolwork and read my book reports in front of the class, earning me the wrath of the other students. I changed schools in 7th grade to a smaller private Catholic school attached to an all-girls college prep and junior college. There I met some kindred souls - a small class of delightfully mischievous, intelligent and creative young ladies (some of whom are dear friends to this day) - with whom I was able to enjoy tormenting our teachers at the same time as I excelled in English, Algebra, History, French, and several years of Latin (LOL!) before my rebellious streak was exposed by the prep school principal (a harsh nun), who suggested at the end of 9th grade that I didn't belong at a school which expected strict obedience to narrow religious rules... and I agreed with her!

My last happy memories of Blessed Sacrament parish centered around a group of families who participated in a weekly "Folk Mass." Influenced by the charismatic renewal movement in the 1960's, a more contemporary service was offered in the school auditorium, with worship on guitars instead of organ music. My mother sang and I learned to play the guitar - we hung out with other families at music practices, picnics in the park, parties and meals at one another's homes. It's the closest thing to a "happy family" atmosphere that I can remember, and although God was still a very vague concept to me, I knew He was somehow involved.

Through this group, I met some young people who invited me to a prayer meeting held in various homes on Monday nights. They called themselves "charismatic" and actually read the Bible, which most of the Catholics I knew in those days didn't do. One Sunday, they invited me to go with them to a "Pentecostal" service, where they said there might be people who could speak supernaturally in languages they had never learned, like in the Book of Acts - my friends had never experienced this, and I thought it sounded amazing. I said to myself, "If that ever happens to me, then I'll know there is a God!" But we arrived late and the door was closed - the service was packed, with no way to get in - so we turned around and went home.

I bought a Jerusalem Bible, and began to read it in my room. I was reading the gospel of John, chapter 1, when suddenly the Word became so alive to me, I actually felt for a moment as if the printed words moved on the page. I ran downstairs to tell my mother, "Mom! it's real! the Bible is real! God is real!" She was busy cooking dinner and not at all excited by my discovery. "All right," she said, sounding a little irritated. "Let's just don't become fanatic about it..." I understood clearly in that moment that she thought religion was OK if it kept you in order, but not if it made you jump around enthusiastically with a Bible in your hand.

It didn't take long for that moment of discouragement to tip the balance away from Christ for that season of my life. You see, I was a teenager - a teenager wants nothing more than to be accepted. I had already noticed that those Monday night young people were "different" from other teenagers, and even from other people in our church. At first, I liked that they seemed to know God and have some idea what the Bible really meant; but very quickly I figured out that committing to this kind of Christian faith would make me "different," too. I wasn't sure I wanted that; that moment in the kitchen with my mother made it very clear to me that there would be a price to pay for real personal faith... and I wasn't ready to pay it.

Jesus said, "Anyone who comes to Me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters - yes, even one's own self! - can't be My disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind Me can't be My disciple. Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it?" [Luke 14:26-28 MSG] Then He called the crowd to Him along with His disciples and said: "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me and for the gospel will save it." [Mark 8:34-35 NIV]

I'll jump ahead and mention here that after I "got saved" in a Pentecostal church about 12 years later, I wrote a letter to one of those "Monday night teenagers" and set off ripples of rejoicing among several of them who had prayed for me during the years that followed. Next week, I'll tell you more about how important those prayers may have been... (To Be Continued)

"Oh yes, You shaped me first inside, then out; You formed me in my mother's womb. I thank You, High God - You're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration - what a creation! You know me inside and out, You know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, You watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day." Psalm 139:13-16 MSG

Blowing Dust Off The Bible

Recently I was considering a friend's comments about the need for "solid convictions" and a creed to live by. What came to my mind first was that believing the Bible is the Word of God, and that Jesus Christ is Who He says He is, are two very solid convictions upon which to build our lives. "For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ." [I Corinthians 3:11 NKJ] Jesus Himself said that hearing and obeying His words is like building a house on solid rock. [Matthew 7:24-27 & Luke 6:47-49]

After that conversation, I had a mental image of a person blowing dust off a Bible. It was a good-sized Bible, leather-bound and well-worn, which spoke to me of someone who was not new to reading the Word and had perhaps carried their Bible to church or elsewhere many times in the past. This Bible also had a small flimsy lock on it, like you would see on a little girl's diary - not much of a barrier, not even fully closed - it was something easily opened. That lock reminded me of the phrase "treasures of God's heart," and also something I'd heard Bill Johnson teach, that "God doesn't hide things from us, He hides things for us." Like a parent who doesn't try too hard to conceal himself when playing hide-and-seek with a young child, our heavenly Father enjoys us and wants us to enjoy discovering Him through His Word.

As I thought about this picture for a few days, part of the meaning seemed obvious, while other interpretations seemed to develop over time (like a photo in a darkroom). For example, if your Bible is gathering dust, well, you might take this as a message to pick it up again - that would seem somewhat obvious. However, I also remember hearing a Texas preacher say, "We've been accustomed to reading the Bible like it's an old, old book that ain't hardly so" and we need to stop doing that! I sense that, if God was speaking to me through that "mental picture," He might be encouraging more than just reading the Bible more regularly - perhaps He is also inviting us to allow Him to renew the scriptures for us, to unlock the treasures of His Word in a fresh way.

A few of my own Bible reading experiences are described below. It's not a checklist of things to do - I simply hope that one or more of these thoughts may inspire or "blow dust off the Bible" for some of you:

A Time and Place
Someone told me that if you will make a time and place to meet with God, He will always show up. Like many of us, I like a cup of coffee (espresso) to help me wake up in the morning. I used to stop by my local Starbucks for a favorite concoction before work, timing that trip so I could spend about 10 to 20 minutes reading the Bible over a latte before I continued on to the office. Now I have a little espresso-maker at home, so I can settle into my recliner and spend up to an hour with God's Word while I'm still waking up. I never used to be "a morning person," but over the years this has become my favorite time of day. I also used to have trouble "settling down" before going to sleep at night, and I find that a little evening time in the scriptures brings peace.

A Fresh Perspective
Having read the Bible daily for about 28 years, I find I'm tempted to skim too quickly over scriptures I "already know" because I've read them so many times before. Slowing down (of course) or picking up a different translation of the Bible can help me "blow the dust off" so I read with a more open mind and heart. I like the New International Version and New Living Translation for clear and understandable language, and The Message paraphrase often gives a fresh perspective on familiar passages. Sometimes I enjoy reading the introductions to each book to get a sense of when, where, why, who wrote those chapters, etc. While I don't like to over-intellectualize, it certainly adds greater depth of understanding to consider more than a few verses taken out of context!

A Balanced Plan
As for a greater sense of the whole... how many of us have determined to "read the Bible in a year," starting with an ambitious reading plan in January, only to get bogged down in Leviticus or Numbers? For several years, I enjoyed reading the One Year Bible in New Living Translation. Daily readings include Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms & Proverbs - so I got a sense of the sequential flow of each book, with enough variety each day that I didn't get "stuck" and give up too soon. During the first year, I fell in love with God's Word like never before - as Gloria Copeland has said, what we give our attention to will determine our hunger. In fact, I so enjoyed having read the entire Bible that I continued to read this way daily for 5 or 6 years in a row. Once I'd read cover-to-cover the first time, I no longer felt pressured to "get it done" - I was able to slow down and meditate more thoroughly, sometimes taking 3 or 4 days to finish a "daily assignment." It's more important to allow God to speak to us through His Word than to simply "finish the book," so most Bible-reading plans allow the reader to take 2 or even 3 years to finish if necessary. Nowadays my plan is even more simple: morning & evening, I read wherever I feel inspired to read, usually at least one chapter (about a page) each day.

“You are what you eat” In Matthew 4:4, Jesus overcame temptation by quoting Deuteronomy 8:3, "Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." As surely as physical food nourishes our bodies, scripture feeds our spirits or "inner man"; and what we ate last week or last year isn't likely to sustain us now - we need to eat pretty much every day. Both Ezekiel (ch.3) and the apostle John (Revelation 10) were told to eat a scroll that tasted like honey, and then go prophesy to others. As food builds cells in our bodies, consuming God's Word so that it becomes part of us builds strength into our spirits so we express God's truth in our thoughts, words and actions.

Reading with a Friend This might be the most important point of all: since the Greek word "pneuma" means both breath and spirit, it seems to me that Holy Spirit Himself might want to "blow the dust off" by revealing God's truth as we read prayerfully with Him. In John 15:15, Jesus defines our relationship as "friends" in terms of sharing with us what He learned from the Father. In John 16:13-15, He promises the Holy Spirit will guide us into "all truth" which proceeds from the Father and Jesus. John 14:16-17 says that the Spirit of truth will be in us and with us forever - what a faithful Friend! So why read the Bible as if we were orphans [v. 18] who have to figure it all out for ourselves? Let's pray and ask Him to reveal what He wants to say to us, and let's not be afraid to ask Him honest questions as we read - the Bible is God's love letter to us, after all.

Take It With You
Not only do I usually have a Bible with me (in my car, suitcase, kitchen or bedside table), but - as mentioned above - Jesus taught that hearing and doing the Word of God is what builds a solid foundation for our lives. James 1:25 (see below) likens reading the scriptures to looking at ourselves in a mirror - do we remember our true identity and live God's truth continually as we go out to work and play in the world around us?

In closing, I thought I'd let a few scripture verses speak for (and about) themselves:

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NIV

"For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are." Hebrews 4:12 NLT

"But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does." James 1:25 NKJ

"The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. By them is Your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward." Psalm 19:7-11 NIV

"I run in the path of your commands, for your have set my heart free." Psalm 119:32 NIV

Fires of Love & Purity

Of course, Heidi Baker's relationship with God isn't all hot baths and chocolate chip cookies (see last week's posting) - mostly it's about a woman so in Love with Jesus that she listens to God and desires to yield to whatever He tells her, no matter what it is... It's about eagerly taking the cup of suffering and joy from His hand and saying "Yes!" to it all, no matter what the cost. After all, He paid the ultimate price for us on the Cross, didn't He?

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in December 2001, and spent the next two years struggling to find healing in doctors' offices and prayer lines. At church altar calls, people on either side of me would be instantly healed of serious conditions, but for me - nothing, it seemed. Medicine wasn't working either; I knew I was called to visit the poor overseas, and immune-suppressing drugs seemed like the wrong way to go, not to mention the fact that they were long on side effects and short on results.

Sitting in my recliner in tears - a former dance student and avid jogger who could barely walk and only with great pain - I cried, "God, even if I never get out of this chair again, I will love You and serve You and worship You with all of my heart." From that day, it seems, I began to get better. Something about giving our all to Him, even when we're not seeing what we think we need... something very powerful and liberating happened in that moment.

Holiness involves giving ourselves completely to God. When I think about "holiness," I think of absolute purity - I think of the beauty of God Himself. Holiness is God's attribute - we cannot attain it apart from Him. If "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" [Isaiah 64:6 NIV], then the best thing I can do to be "holy" is yield myself fully to the work of His Holy Spirit living in and through me.

Last week I wrote about being so in Love with God that we don't mind being consumed with His passion for us and for the lost and dying world all around us. We don't care any more what it costs because we lose ourselves in His Love. When I see even a glimpse of Who He really is, I am so thrilled by His beauty, I give my heart, my all... humbled in His Presence, all I can do is lay my life down, letting Him have everything, letting Him have His way and do whatever He wants with me.

The apostle Paul wrote about this kind of abandoned love. In Philippians 3, after an impressive list of his "faultless" religious credentials and accomplishments, he puts it all in perspective: "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my LORD, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ… I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.” [v. 8, 10-11 NIV]

One of my new favorite songs is "Beauty Is What Remains," the title track on Andrew Ehrenzeller's latest CD, which illustrates how God brings forth His beauty in our lives, even through struggles and pain. The same spiritual "fire" that "keeps us alive" also purifies our hearts to contain and express still more of His Love. I think you'll understand even better if you download the song and listen - it's worth way more than 99 cents! - lyrics & link below:

Beauty Is What Remains
by Andrew Ehrenzeller

God, I feel like we are sometimes separate
And it leaves me with a sense of regret
But Yours is a face I can never forget
Even if I were to try

You don't always give me what I want in life
'Cause what I need the most is to be purified
So I come and rest here for a while
Because You keep the fire alive - You keep me alive

There is beauty (yeah) - beauty in the struggle
There is beauty (yeah) - beauty in the pain, O Lord
For today will bring tomorrow
And the once-familiar sorrow
Will turn and testify to yesterday:
Only Your beauty, Jesus, Your beauty is what remains.

Will You teach me how to love deeper still?
And sometimes it is against my will
But the more that we dig, the more room that we have to fill -
Fill it with Your Love, O God!

You don't always give me what I want in life
'Cause what I need the most is to be purified
So I come and rest here for a while
Because You keep the fire alive

There is beauty (yeah) - beauty in the struggle
There is beauty (yeah) - beauty in the pain, O Lord
For today will bring tomorrow
And the once-familiar sorrow
Will turn and testify to yesterday:
Only Your beauty, Jesus, Your beauty is what remains.

(Because) You are the strength of my heart, You are the strength of my heart,
And my portion forever and ever
You are the strength of my heart, You are the strength of my heart,
And my portion forever and ever
You are the strength of my heart, You are the strength of my heart,
And my portion forever and ever
And only Your beauty, Jesus, Your beauty is what remains

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/beauty-is-what-remains/id379386911?i=379387091

That song reminds me of a print that hangs in my home, one of five pictures in the "Kingdom Courtship Series" by a young Christian artist named Amy Montgomery. In each of these pictures, there is a girl or a young woman representing the Bride of Christ, a dove representing the Holy Spirit, and a building or structure representing the Kingdom of God. I use these prints when I teach "Sanctification" to illustrate that our walk with God is both a journey and a relationship, which take us through different phases and experiences in life. The picture below is #4 in this series, and it's called "Purification."

I think the image speaks for itself, but what I usually say when I come to this picture is, "Don't be afraid of God’s fire, remember that it's the fire of His Love." His Love surrounds us, even in trials and testing. Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze" (notice that the Bride's dress is not even burning). The purifying fire of God's Love will not destroy "the real you," your spirit, which is made of the same substance as His Holy Spirit. Only our flesh and all that hinders His Love is in danger of destruction, and our flesh is only getting us into trouble, anyway...

As we yield to the Holy Spirit's purifying work in our lives, let's look beyond any temporary suffering to the joyful rewards of God's glorious beauty being released. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." [Hebrews 12:2 NIV]

I pray that we would learn to trust God so completely that we are willing to RUN into the Fire of His Love! "Purification" by Amy Montgomery - email amysjoyfulart@gmail.com

"This image portrays the youthful bride's purification journey through the Holy Dwelling of her Heavenly Bridegroom. His Love is a consuming fire that cleanses her to make her holy, pure, and spotless for Him." -- Amy Montgomery

“Love…burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Song of Solomon 8:6b